Circle of Friends

If You're Local, Want to Help?

2009-11-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

I got a request earlier this week that I wanted to pass along. Unfortunately our mailing lists are not organized by locality so if you are not in the Phoenix area, please skip to the update near the end of this message.

For Locals

As some of you know, Jennifer Lansky has graciously been organizing local volunteers who cook and deliver a meal to the Lawrence family each week. She is looking for additional volunteers to participate.

The effort involved would be contacting Jennifer Lansky to choose a week in which to volunteer and then cooking/delivering a meal to the Lawrences. Jennifer (Lansky) has information about what types of food the family is able to eat.

If you are interested in helping with this effort, please contact Jennifer (Lansky) at kidsrfun@cox.net (preferred) or by phone at: 602-432-6956.

For Everyone

THANK YOU for all your wonderful participation in our efforts to support Kenny and now Jennifer, Bethany & Daniel. The donations via paypal have been overwhelming & wonderful & some of it has been put to good use already. The food & assistance donations taking place locally are wonderfully generous & helpful to the family as well.

I am so honored to be part of such a wonderfully generous & loving group. I hope this note finds you all well & happy.

Cindy

Repost of Jen's Last Updates on Kenny

2009-10-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Jen is in the process of expanding/updating her email distribution list. She asked that I re-post her last 2 updates on Kenny in case anyone was missed on earlier email distribution lists. The post is long, but scroll down for the second message. Regards, Cindy

From 10/14/09 - Titled: Kenny news, a sad message

Dear family and friends and work colleagues,

This is going to a large distribution list, and I am putting the names in the "to" field so you may forward to anyone I have inadvertently missed.

Kenny is in hospice at home, with a prognosis of a few days at most to live. This turn of events has been sudden and his decline has been so rapid I have not been able to send an update to all until now. I do not want the news of his death to come as a complete surprise, and I want to give you the opportunity to say farewell if you feel moved to do so.

We are unable to take visitors or calls at the house at this time. However, if you would like to send a message for Kenny to me via email, please do so. We have received some already and are reading them to Kenny as we can. They bring a smile to his face and peace in his heart.

I earnestly beg you not to bombard me with calls or expect an email response. Please, that is one thing you can do for me that will really, truly help. If you have a message that absolutely requires a response, please send it to CircleofFriends4@gmail.com. One of my "circle coordinators" will help.

The cascade of events started about two weeks ago. About two weeks after being told that Kenny's right lung was "clear," he began feeling unwell and having increased shortness of breath. This worsened rapidly over a few days, and we took him to the pulmonologist thinking the fluid had reaccumulated on his lung and needed to be drained, an outpatient procedure that would takes 10 minutes to do. I also initiated a leave of absence at the same time, finding it impossible to juggle work and medical appointments any longer. The pulmonologist ordered some scans and sent Kenny home with an order for home oxygen support, which he started that night. The dr also ordered a bronchoscopy, the procedure to scope inside the lungs and take a biopsy. This was not scheduled the next day and then we were into the weekend and Bethany's 12th birthday party.

Kenny declined rapidly each night. He visited briefly at the party and that was it. That night he dramatically worsened and Kenny's sister Linda was already en route from Ohio. Just in time because the next day we packed for the cancer hospital. He was admitted immediately, tests done, and we were told he had pneumonia. Three or four days of antibiotics should clear it up and he should go home again.

This did not happen. He continued to decline. A volume of fluid around his heart became a large concern and he was on constant monitoring. Everything became difficult for him: breathing, eating, moving, talking, coughing, sleeping. He had not slept well in weeks and in the hospital it was worse. Linda and I rotated shifts at the hospital while others helped with Bethany.

After almost a week in the hospital with no improvement, only worsening, the drs concluded that Kenny did not have pneumonia and that he was instead in end-stage cancer. This was a shock to hear as our expectations had not been set that way. The lymphatic spread of the cancer mimics pneumonia in every aspect down to the elevated white blood cell counts and colored mucous that looks like an infection. His left lung has not worked for months, and now his right lung is slowly closing off and losing its elasticity. He is on a high flow of constant oxygen support.

We were advised that Kenny might be helped by a procedure to drain the fluid from the sac around his heart, and that while he had at best a few weeks to live, this procedure might give him a few more weeks and relieve his symptoms temporarily. The catch was that the cancer hospital did not have a cardiac surgeon on staff and Kenny would need to transfer to another hospital. The cardiologist wanted him transferred immediately since he was at such high risk of a cardiac incident. We declined the transfer until the end of the weekend.

The transfer to the traditional hospital on Sunday was terrible and stressful. Kenny destabilized on the ambulance ride and his heart rate climbed to the 170's and became irregular. It has not stabilized since. The thoracic surgeon finally came for a consult at 8:30 that night, when we were exhausted and stressed beyond measure, and delivered the final opinion that, after all that we gone through for the transfer, Kenny was not a candidate for the procedure after all. The surgeon felt that it wouldn't relieve Kenny's breathing difficulty in any significant way and worse, if he intubated Kenny for the anesthesia and Kenny stopped breathing on his own, he would never be un-intubated and breathe on his own again, thus leaving us in a "turn off the ventilator" decision at some point. Kenny struck his fist on the bed and declined the procedure.

Hospice was initiated the next morning, Monday, at the hospital and Kenny arrived home at 9 p.m. that night.

Through all this we have had a circle of helpers to manage the overwhelming logistics of Bethany's care (the kids are on fall break), arrangements in the house to accommodate the hospice equipment and a quiet place for Kenny, the household management, and the unending calls from service providers for both Kenny and Bethany. Yesterday was a blur of trying to unpack and settle in after being away for a week, riding the waves of equipment delivery and hospice staff, tending to the emotional needs of all involved, and Kenny's care on all levels. We have round-the-clock nursing care for Kenny through Thursday at 8 p.m.

Those are all the facts I have energy to relay.

The beautiful part of the story is Kenny's grace. Never have I known such a man and I could never have wished for a more heroic husband. He faces his death with peace and no fear. He has the strength to speak the encouraging words to his grieving son, reassure him it is all right, smile through the sadness he feels at leaving and all the things he will miss in Daniel's life, and explain that the decision is in God's hands, not ours. He has no bitterness. He shares his love and gratitude with all of those around him. He has asked Daniel to play the piano for him and Daniel's music has blessed us all with its beauty. Bethany has been away or occupied for much of the last day and half but she has come in to make her patterns for Kenny and sing and give him a kiss; her presence alone is joy, nothing more is needed. Yes, we are all weeping for the goodbye that is coming but we are all so happy to be together at home and none of us fear Kenny's transition. The prospect of life without him is overwhelming but we will trust that it will work out, somehow. We are a family now, we will be a family after he goes, and this is just a stage of life we must go through together, unexpectedly early, suddenly, and sadly.

The list of people and the incredible acts of support are too lengthy to describe. Just know that we are surrounded by tireless compassionate support and we are grateful for all the acts of kindness that keep flowing in like a waterfall. My sister Karen has arrived and we have several friends who are rotating overnight stays to assist with Bethany. There are many arrangements to be made still, many moments to experience. It is a lot to process.

I have tried to give you as much information as I can in the time that I have. Please, do let others know who would want the news. Todd Walker, I hope your email address is working because he wanted you to be contacted. If you can contact Billy Skinner, that would be a help.

Kenny sends his love and appreciation to all and encourages you to read James Van Praagh's book Unfinished Business, and not to fear death. Kenny's is at peace with his life and, soon, his death.

Love,
Jen

From 10/15/09 Titled: Kenny has passed

Dear everybody,

Kenny passed last night at 2:15 a.m., peacefully and gracefully. There was no pain or struggle, thankfully. Linda and the hospice nurse were in the room with him for the early hours of the night. This was a gift Linda gave to me, to spend her night in the recliner so I could sleep in the bed, having peace of mind that Kenny was attended by family and not just a stranger. Linda came and got me when Kenny roused with several gasping breaths. I came immediately, touched his hand, and then left for the bathroom. He passed gently with one last quiet breath while I was out of the room but it did not matter to me, and Linda was still there with the nurse.

He had a full, satisfying last day and spent several hours in the family room with all of us while Daniel played some favorite piano pieces for him, Bethany made her walking patterns before going to the park with her teacher who was here helping, and the rest of us made happy conversation about him. We had ordered a high-back wheelchair but a low-back chair had been delivered instead. Well, it was an opportunity for me to serve: I stood behind Kenny and he rested his head gently on me for a long time.

Funeral arrangements are in the process of being made. I, or Circle of Friends, will send another message when the mortuary and other arrangements are known. We are approaching the task at hand in an unhurried and thoughtful way. I continue to have numerous helpers and I will call on more as needs arise. Tentative plans are for a service in Phoenix and another in Ohio, which I would attend with Daniel along with all the Ohio family. We hope to build in several weeks time to allow for travelers to get reasonable airfare rates.

Again, I ask you not to call or stop by the home, although I know that is a natural desire. It becomes overwhelming. Please also hold flowers if you have not sent any, as there is sadly little room in the house right now (thank you for those already sent!). When funeral arrangements are made, you may send flowers there if you are moved to so.

We are all ok. The only who doesn't know yet in the immediate family is Bethany, who is still asleep. The rest of us have been up since 2:15. Daniel and Linda have been catching naps. I have been visiting and beginning plans with Karen, Wendy, Steph, Cindy, and the nurse. Another nurse will be arriving at 8 a.m. and will be on staff here until Kenny is transported to the funeral home.

Thank you for all your love and prayers, and for the beautiful messages you have sent to Kenny. It is a sad time but I celebrate this wonderful man. He will be with me always in spirit.

Love,
Jen

Now Accepting Donations via PayPal

2009-10-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Over the past few months many of you have asked how you can help - especially if you live far away.

We have established a PayPal account for people who are interested in making donations. The money will be transferred to a special account in Jennifer’s name and be used as she thinks best for things like groceries, pool service, and people/services to help as needed. (Who knows, maybe even something fun for the family.)

Look for the Donation button to the right side of the blog page.

Paypal info: You have 2 options for making donations:

Option 1: Make a payment using your credit card. You will need to SCROLL DOWN the donation page to see this option in lower left corner of screen. (Look for link near credit card logos.)

Option 2: Use your PayPal account. Provide your account name and password on donation page.

For those of you who are not comfortable with PayPal but still want to make a donation, please email: CircleofFriends4@gmail.com and request bank information – we can provide that to you confidentially & you can mail a check directly to the bank.

Be well & happy!
Cindy

A Smile for Kenny!

2009-10-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

They say you feel better when you smile and make others smile! Let's send Kenny and Jen a few virtual smiles to let them know we love them :)

Here is smiling at you!!!!!

Go ahead and post a smile for Jen and Kenny!

Thank you and volunteering

2009-07-14T05:43:00.000-07:00

Hello, All - Thank you, most sincerely, for the wonderful support you've been providing to the Lawrence family! It's such a blessing to witness the profound kindness and outpouring of love.

I have a request regarding the volunteer process. Please use (or continue to use) the Volunteer Signup spreadsheet, linked on the right of this blog, to volunteer. Jen tells me that she simply can't find the time to return phone calls and coordinate via the phone. The spreadsheet works best. If you have any trouble with accessing the spreadsheet, please send an email to circleoffriends4@gmail.com and we'll help you.

Again, thank you all! May the love you are sharing be returned to you many-fold.
In gratitude,
Stephanie

An Army of Helpers

2009-07-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

(45 seconds)

I couldn't resist recording this slice of time in the Lawrence household. Our monthly supply of five-gallon water jugs had just been delivered, but neither Kenny nor I was able to haul them in.

So I put every able body to work! The caveat was, Bethany had just had a seizure and was asleep on the loveseat. The task had to be completed in quietude; hence no narration from me.

Jen's narration notes

Jug haulers #1 in order of appearance:

Ashlee - hab therapist with extraordinary muscles from hefting her cello around campus
Max - his first visit at our house and I shamelessly set him to work and shushed him when he tried to talk!
Daniel - my favorite serf

Pan to:

Bethany sleeping - she looks like Sleeping Beauty with her flowing hair
Kenny hooking himself up to the Rife machine

Jug haulers #2:

Daniel J. - watch closely as he goes out the door and you'll see him cavort; he is a happy worker
Neighbor Liz - what a good heart she has; last time she hauled all the jugs by herself

Enjoy the parade!

Push or Pull - You Decide

2009-06-26T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

Since this blog posting is the first to be 'pushed' via email in addition to being posted, I will be brief.

For those of you who have been reading the Circle of Friends blog regularly, you are familiar with its origination & content. For those of you who may be reading this in an email but have never visited the blog, here's a brief history. Circle of Friends was created to support the Lawrence Family (Kenny, Jennifer, Daniel & Bethany).

We have recently made 2 changes to the blog that are worth noting!

1. We have added an Opportunities to Help link on the right side (under family picture). Local family & friends can signup to volunteer time/effort. There is also a link to ideas for people who are not located in the Phoenix area.

2. We are now going to email the blog posting. If you prefer not to receive the blog entries in your Inbox, please send us a note at CircleOfFriends4@gmail.com and we will remove you from our distribution list. You will still be able to access the blog in a web browser & read at your leisure.

Be well & happy everyone!

Cindy

Status: Mostly done!

2009-06-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

(Jen speaking): Here's a great big thank-you to the friends who have given us their time and energy to complete the tasks on the request list Steph posted. It's been a humbling but uplifting experience for us to accept this outpouring.

DONE

Hang up 2 new bathroom towel hooks - Yup, Kenny grabbed that one.
Fix the flushing on both toilets - Doug J., our potty hero
Replace front door closing cylinder AND plug gap through which air is pouring - Doug J. again
Veggie chopping week 1 - Annie F. and Jason, super choppers

SCHEDULED

Replace light over the stove - Ron and Elizabeth J. coming this week (we had to reschedule due to B. last week)
Veggie chopping week 2 - Jonathan M. coming this week (with his special knife!)
Veggie chopping volunteers, schedule TBD - Barb P., Marie A./Joanne M.

RECEIVED

Restaurant gift cards and other helpful support - from many folks
A Whole Foods gift card from a mystery donor - please let me know who to thank!!
Funny jokes!!!

We are truly blessed.

A Funny Thing Happend on the Way to the BLOG!

2009-06-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

Several different roads brought Steph, Cindy, and Jen and I together. Was it sheer luck? Was it destiny? Or was it all in Kenny's pendulum? Hey whatever it was we are all here and we have this deep connection. For me I believe it happened by me stumbling aimlessly through life but hey...."Whatever" :)

I think it is time to try to put some smiles on Kenny and Jen's faces. Anyone know a cute joke? Want to share a story? Go to the comments field! Be brave it is not like it is a stand up comedy act! :)

Here is the story how I first met Jen. I was not on the team yet but was on a project with Stephanie. We were preparing for some training. She suggested I send my presentation to Jen for edit. She mentioned Jen was extremely brilliant in this area. So happily I sent it. Jen added edits. (all in red) EEK! It was funny as toward the end the edits were less...Let's face it Jen I was just wearing you out! Of course I was taken back a bit :) but Iquickly got over it and because of the edits in the presentation it was "Pristine". And our friendship was cemented.

The 4 of us are like pieces of a puzzle and by chance or, whatever, we are one great picture of women who can listen, talk, and especially laugh.

OK..one joke for you Kenny!!!!....I got it from my Mom yesterday who will be 85 in July.

"Can you name two days in the week that start with the letter "T"." (My mom was trying to hide her smile while telling this.....)

To find the answer :) Click on comments!

PS - Gosh...I hope Jen doesn't edit my blog entry :) HEE HEE!

The Friends Behind the Circle

2009-06-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd introduce you to the friends who started the circle: Steph, Cindy and Connie (L-R in photo).

You have already observed through their actions what wonderful people they are--but there is more to their lives than just helping us! If you're interested, you can follow their stories in their personal blogs:

Steph's Cup of Tea

It's All Behind Us Now (Connie's weight loss/food blog!)

Cindy's Musings and Misadventures

I'm so grateful to these three for launching the blog and inviting you to join--and for everyone's good thoughts, prayers and desire to help Kenny and me and the kids. The help that has already been received has been a blessing.

Our life has been defined by a new norm, but in the context of that, today is good. We are stable (although Bethany's having seizures), we have a full refrigerator, and last night we all slept peacefully.

I'll continue to send periodic updates via email that contain the "important" news. But for those who like a peek into the details of the daily flow and ebb, I'll post short updates here, too.

And, true to the intended purpose of the blog, this is where I'll raise the white flag of surrender to the need to ask for specific help. Today - we're all set. THANK YOU!

Opportunities to help

2009-06-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

We've asked Jen to compile a list of ways that those of us (near and far) can help out. Here's the first round of what she's identified. If you can provide support in any of these ways, please leave a comment at this blog so that we will know what/who to expect and so that we can mark things off the list.

Also, as a personal note (from Stephanie), I'd like to say thank you to Jen and Kenny for allowing us to offer assistance. As we all know from personal experiences, it's not easy to allow others to step in. Also, I'd like to say that the requests will be intermittent; they will ebb and flow. In the mean time, we'll try to keep the blog populated with updates and other info.

Meals and Meal Prep

Request: Sunday veggie chopping and meal prep
Details:

Chop veggies to last through Wednesday
Make rice, potatoes or pasta
Cook chicken and/or salmon and/or turkey
Use the food we buy on Sunday morning

Timing: Needed weekly on Sunday afternoons ; 1-2 hour maximum

Finance: N/A

Meals we don’t have to prepare
Friends' notes: These are great options for out-of-towners! Some of these places will have gift cards/certificates. We are also exploring a few other options.

These are places where we go to eat out, get carry in meals, or stock up on frozen foods.

Whole Foods (Tempe, Chandler)

Trader Joe’s (Tempe, Phoenix)

Forefather’s Cheesesteaks (Tempe)

Swaddees Thai (Tempe)

PF Chang (gluten-free menu) (Chandler)

Picazzo Pizza (gluten-free menu) (Tempe)

Rubio’s Mexican Grill (Phoenix)

Persian Café (vegetarian/organic/gluten-free) (Phoenix)

Household Maintenance and Repair

Request: Hang up 2 new bathroom towel hooks
Details:

Take down old hooks
Install wall anchors and new hooks
Patch up holes from old hooks if needed

Timing: Not urgent; Weekends best – all day Saturday or Sunday afternoon

Finance: N/A

Request: Fix the flushing on both toilets
Details:

One toilet doesn't flush right (takes multiple tries)
The other doesn't fill up fast enough afterward
Might require a trip to hardware store

Timing: Not urgent; Weekends best – all day Saturday or Sunday afternoon

Finance: Lawrence debit card for any supplies required

Request: Replace front door closing cylinder AND plug gap through which air is pouring
Details:

The cylinder is worn out and the door doesn’t shut completely or fast enough
The cylinder/security window don’t mate up correctly and there’s a huge gap
Will require trip to hardware store

Timing: Not urgent ; Weekends best – all day Saturday or Sunday afternoon

Finance: Lawrence debit card

Request: Replace light over the stove
Details:

The light is ancient and burnt out
Will require trip to hardware store
We’re not picky about a replacement

Timing: Not urgent; Weekends best – all day Saturday or Sunday afternoon

Finance: Lawrence debit card

If you have any questions, please feel free to email CircleOfFriends4@gmail.com. Thank you!

Hello, Circle of Friends!

2009-06-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

We (the Circle of Friends) have created this blog to celebrate and support the Lawrence family. Along with Jen, we will be posting family news and opportunities to help.

If you would like to sign up to help, just leave a response in the Comments area. Comments of encouragement, humor, well wishes, love, etc., are also most welcome. You don't need an account with Blogger to leave a comment. Just choose "anonymous" (but be sure to sign your name so that we know who has volunteered for what). Thank you!

If you have any questions, please send an e-mail to: CircleOfFriends4@gmail.com

Sincerest thanks, Cindy, Connie and Stephanie with Jen

Background:
Cindy, Connie and Stephanie work with Jen. We feel very closely connected to Jen, Kenny, Daniel and Bethany. We want to help them, and none of us live in AZ. We decided to help by creating a process that connects people with opportunities to support this wonderful family. Join us and expand our circle of friends!